I wonder how, I wonder why ~~~

I wonder..

.. how can YOU live in a world where YOU insist nothing is your fault & everything is someone else's fault?

.. why must YOU abuse your authority & make life difficult for everyone around YOU? Having a strained relationship with your daughter does not make your life wretched enough?

.. how can YOU pretend that nothing happened & insist that I behave normally? Really? Nothing is your fault as well?

.. if YOU ever care about my feelings? About how I would react if I found out the truth. How YOU can face me after hurting me.

.. who I am to YOU. Just a colleague? Just an acquaintance? What am I? If I am nothing to YOU, why hurt me, knowing YOU are hurting me.

.. if YOU ever learn your lesson or everything in life is just a gamble.

.. why YOU have to treat everything as a competition & YOU must win everything & everyone. Aren't YOU tired?

.. if YOU think YOU are so capable, why take the short cut? If YOU must take the short cut, why lament your choice?

.. why ego is so important to YOU. That YOU would rather lose me a friend than lose your ego.

.. what's the point of telling everyone how suicidal YOU feel when few years down the road, YOU are still alive & kicking. Spend the time fixing your life, for YOU might lose it before YOU even know it.

home alone.. 2x in a row..

It took me so many years.. to realize how great 'alone time' can be..

Yesterday was a Friday night. Instead of spending it at the pubs with my colleagues, I reached home at 6+pm.

Had my dinner, watched TV, sorted out the files in my phone, had a personal KTV session & snapped endless piccies of my kitties roaming all around the house.

It was bliss.

Then I fell asleep at 10+pm.

Today, I was supposed to go suntanning.. but the weakling sun did not appear - it rained.

So I took the chance to sleep in. Had Mc's for lunch, lazed abit & went house visiting with Mom.

Typing about the house visiting, it was damn funny.

The house is just at Mom's block, same floor but at the other end.

Exact same size as mine but $50,000 more.

Since we had nothing to do, Mom fixed a timing to go visit the house, to see what's the big deal.

Darn. The house was so neat, I immediately felt guilty.

Imagine.. Everything is white (& white magnifies even the smallest house), the hall only has a sofa, a TV console & a mounted Samsung TV, the master bedroom only has a built in wardrobe & a KING sized bed (no dressing table, nothing else), the other two common rooms - one had a built in wardrobe & some gym equipment, another had a built in wardrobe (yes, another one) & single sized daybed.

As for the kitchen, it was exactly the design I had wanted for my own house - U shaped with the washing machine beside the rubbish chute. But this house was slightly different - the huge fridge was smacked right in the middle of the U shape & there was NO cooking stove. -.-

Now for the comparison.

This house is valuated at $415,000 (this month), mine was valuated at $378,000 (last Aug).

This seller is asking for S60,000 COV (Cash over value), mine asked for S45,000 (but we settled for $35,000).

Difference = $475,000 - $413,000 = $62,000

DAFUQ?!

In a mere 7 months, this is the difference?!

At this rate, I can only hope to move to a BTO (Built to order) flat if I were to sell off this house 5 years later!

Like what everyone says - sell high, buy high.

Wakow!

Ok, enough about the house price difference - blood is boiling.

Anyway

After dinner with Mom, Dad & lil sis, I went home & kept the washed clothes, put another pile of clothes to wash, hung the newly washed clothes to dry, packed my room, washed the dishes, etc.

Damn hardworking right?! Omg! I think so too!

That empty house actually spurred me to keep mine neat!!!

I even had the urge to throw away all the excess furniture! Damn!

Yawns.

I gtg, gonna watch TV & snap endless piccies of the kitties, to be uploaded into latest craze - Instagram!

If you have an account, find me - hyukco!

Tata!

counting my blessings ~~~

To be honest, I was affected when I knew that it might take another 10 years for me to be promoted to the next level.

In the past, this would not be the case since I had no direction.. but since I set my goals, this realization came as a bad hit.

To make things worse, I was told that the supposed-to-be-promoted colleague is not very strong in her knowledge & experience.

Not that I'm hinting that I'm better but we're talking about basic knowledge here, hello???

Forget it. It's all about time & opportunity.

Besides, I'm blessed enough to have a direct boss who constantly fights for me & the team, a RM who is although irritating at times, but ultimately harmless & tries to help me.

Typing about that RM, I'm happy that he is finally going to move to the next level, which is what he deserves & he has been waiting for. And I'm equally happy that he tried his best to bring me along, though it's mission impossible at this point.

It's ok.

Chances come & go, something good will come along soon, I hope.

Meanwhile, thank God that I was posted to this branch, to meet such a strong team, to have such a supportive Boss & to work with many interesting colleagues.

I must jia you!!!

learning to believe in myself..

it has all become memories..